Allergic to Babies, Burglars, and Other Bumps in the Night Read online

  Haiti earthquake— Happened in 2010. One of the worst natural catastrophes in history. Many people died, many were injured and nearly two million were left homeless.

  hobbits— The Little People (no taller than a tabletop, but with the courage and strength of ten men) who live in the lands of Middle Earth in books by J.R.R. Tolkien. Their feet are covered with curly brown hair, like the hair on their heads, with leathery soles, so hobbits don’t need to wear shoes. Oh, would that those feet were mine!

  Life savings— All the money you’ve saved up for your whole entire life, so that you can buy something really fantastic, like hobbit feet!

  Lost Report Card Disorder— A fatal condition usually caused by mysterious circumstances that can never be explained. Symptoms include no report card, no sign of a report card, no memory of a report card, no hint that a report card was coming home, and sometimes the worst symptom of all: no clue whatsoever as to what a report card is, as in “A report card? Is that Chinese?”

  Mites— (1) the youngest hockey players, aged eight and under, (2) a bug smaller than a tick; most are microscopic.

  mochi cakes— Sweet, chewy little round cakes made from rice flour and filled with red bean paste. My pohpoh makes them. I can eat a hundred of ’em! Yummy when fresh; hard when left out for several days. Make great hockey pucks after a week!

  nor’ easter— A powerful storm that happens on the East Coast of the United States when warm winds from the south swirl in one direction and cold winds from the north swirl in the opposite direction. When the warm air and cold air hit each other with hurricane force—WHAM!—you get tons of snow and rain and killer winds.

  Paul Revere— Rode his bike at midnight from Boston to Lexington to warn people that the British were coming. He stopped at every house along the way! The British busted him at Lexington and took away his bike.

  PDK— Originally a Personal Disaster Kit, but now a Pregnancy Disaster Kit.

  pregnancy test— (1) Answer yes to one or more of Calvin’s questions and you pass, (2) the only way to know for sure whether you’re pregnant.

  pregnant— If you’re truly pregnant, you have a baby growing inside you. But if you’re simply pathetic pregnant, see below.

  Redcoats— British soldiers, aka “lobsters” and “bloody backs,” but the nickname “lobster backs” was not used until the War of 1812.

  Rube Goldberg device— An invention that does a simple task in the most complicated way possible. Named for Reuben Lucius Goldberg, who drew lots of cartoons showing these machines. They’re super-duper!

  simply pathetic pregnant— First you get all the symptoms of being pregnant. Then you pass the pregnancy test. Then you eat everything. Finally, when you’re ready to have your baby, there’s no baby. You’re just fat! It’s terrible! Like my mom said, “All of the suffering and none of the glory.”

  spandex— Stretchy fabric that fits like a second skin. Favorite outfits of superheroes, swimmers, runners and bikers are made of spandex.

  squillion!— An unknowable large number, too large to write without an exclamation!

  stinky tofu— Stinky like baby poop, but yummy like … like … well, after I mention baby poop, nothing is yummy.

  Thoreau— Henry’s last name. A famous author who was born in Concord and died here too. His headstone in Sleepy Hollow Cemetery says only “Henry.” In the basement of the Concord Free Public Library you can hold his handwritten manuscripts if you ask nicely.

  UFO— Unidentified Flying Object.

  ultrasound machine— aka Alien Detection Machine. Uses sound waves to look at the UFO inside my mom’s belly.

  Unfinished Homework Syndrome— Not a fatal condition, but you’ll wish it were! Symptoms include no homework, and no clue that you had homework. More severe symptoms may include a dog with indigestion, strange baby poop, or kidnappings involving aliens whose diets consist mainly of human homework.

  William Shakespeare— A British dude who wrote lots of plays, poems, curses, everything. He wrote so much that he ran out of words and had to invent nearly two thousand new ones. His invented words include: “amazement,” “bump,” “critic,” “dwindle,” “eyeball,” “frugal,” “gloomy,” “hurry,” “lonely,” “majestic,” “road” and “suspicious”!

  Lenore Look is the author of the popular Alvin Ho series, as well as the Ruby Lu series. She has also written several acclaimed picture books, including Henry’s First-Moon Birthday, Uncle Peter’s Amazing Chinese Wedding, and Polka Dot Penguin Pottery. Lenore lives in Hoboken, New Jersey.

  LeUyen Pham is the illustrator of the Alvin Ho series, as well as The Best Birthday Party Ever by Jennifer LaRue Huget; Grace for President by Kelly DiPucchio, a New York Times bestseller; and the Freckleface Strawberry series by Julianne Moore. She is the author and illustrator of the picture books Big Sister, Little Sister and All the Things I Love About You. LeUyen lives in San Francisco. Learn more at leuyenpham.com.